Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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