i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
