I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize