I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
