wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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