I can text with my tongue
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
whose parrot is this?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
