yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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