Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
