yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
