this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Randomize
