dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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