she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
