was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
