Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
