I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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