dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
