I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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