it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
