i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
