I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
