if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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