i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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