Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
