mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize