Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
