we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
