i wish starbucks made bloody marys
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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