He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize