would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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