yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
