why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
me + whiskey = a bad person
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
