I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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