I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
