I'm drive I can fine osifer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
