hell yes lets make some ravioli
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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