so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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