Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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