I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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