hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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