Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
