I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
