So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
