Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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