i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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