dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
