i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
