Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
