so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
