let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
