I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
