What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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