About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
