no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
