Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
