I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
