bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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