WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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