she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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