She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
