And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
