i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
