i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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