my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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