Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize