Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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