I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
