you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
