Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
