eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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