he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
