I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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