He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we should paint friendship bongs
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